Has my masking prevented me from understanding my true self? I am exhausted but I do not know what will make me feel better. I need a break but feel this insane pressure to continue to push forward because of fear of failing and/or letting people (and myself) down. I am starting to recognize situations when my mask is on. It’s a mind distorter because I must remind myself that the masked version is not the real me. But then…who am I really?
I often think of the movie The Mask with Jim Carrey. When he put on the mask, he turned into an outgoing confident guy. However, when he attempted to peel the mask off it is always near impossible to remove it. That is me. Trying to peel the mask off to reveal my true self but it is stuck on with superglue. Stuck on so tight I am afraid I may never be able to remove it.
Masking feels safe for me. It is familiar. I have been doing it all my life. Masking is a habit I cannot break. Discovering my true self is walking into the unknown. Discovering my true self may be a self I do not like. But what if I do?
What if I learn to embrace my diversity; therefore, giving myself compassion. Will I then be able to live a true authentic life?