For a long time, I did not realize I was different from the neurotypical world. Until recently, I did not consider myself neurodivergent. I struggled with things like being in social settings, getting agitated easily if I was overstimulated. I always struggled in school, and yet I have my Master’s degree in nonprofit management. I looked at others and thought ‘I need to be on that path to be successful’. However, trying to be successful and looking for the next step in my career always came at a price. Increased anxiety, negative self talk, burnout, feeling resentful or like a failure would start to affect my ability to do the job. The job that I thought I wanted. The job I thought was the next step. The job that would make me leave employers I loved because I was so burnt out mentally and emotionally. I read books, listened to podcasts, tried to apply concepts that neurotypical people easily applied to their lives. But FINALLY after struggling my entire life (I am realizing this now) I was diagnosed with ADHD. I think there may be some Autism sprinkled in but that is TBD. And all while I struggled on a daily basis, talking to doctors about how I was feeling, only to be put on medication (increasing dosages throughout the years) or people telling me, ‘you seem fine’, ‘I think you have been doing a great job in the role’, ‘I did not realize you were struggling’. At least my masking behavior is on point, lol.
I am finally at a point in my life where I need answers so I can finally remove the mask and be my authentic self.