Did you ever want something materialistic or an answer to something so bad, you became hyper-fixated until you got the thing or answer you wanted? That is the way I feel with my AuDHD diagnosis. I understand there is not a one size fits all for a diagnosis like this; however, I feel for so long I struggled with my sense of self or to have my experiences validated that it is extremely important for me to be heard.
In a recent therapy session, EMDR was incorporated to further help me process my trauma. I was not sure what to expect so I leaned into my nuerodivergent characteristics, I started doing research prior to my session. During the session, I became frustrated because I could not ‘feel my feelings in my body’. I have always had a hard time articulating my feelings or outwardly emote. My therapist said I did well processing during the session. However, I still feel there is a disconnect between my emotions and how to articulate them. This is another reason behind my journey for an autism diagnosis. What is my self criticism is not trauma related…but autism related?
I started doing research. Trying to find a self assessment online was more difficult than I imagined. Finally I came across the website, https://embrace-autism.com/ where I was able to access the RAADS-R test for free. After taking the 80 question test, it provided me with a score of 145. For context, a score of 130 is the mean score of autistic people, strong evidence for autism and a score of 160 is very strong evidence of autism. At this point, I was more confident I needed to find a medical practitioner to start the assessment process for a formal diagnosis.
After deep diving into the search of locating a psychiatrist, psychologist, or a medical institution that provides autism assessments to adults, it became clear that there is a lack of resources for the late-in-life adult neurodivergent population. However, after a handful of unsuccessful inquiries I was given information for The Center for Autism, https://www.thecenterforautism.org/ in Philadelphia. I was pleasantly surprised to learn not only do they complete autism assessments for adults, they accept my insurance. I only have to pay my copay out of my pocket.
The time frame between reaching out to The Center for Autism and my first appointment was about 3 weeks. The assessment lasted about 90 minutes with a comprehensive biopsychosocial evaluation. I answered the questions to the best of my ability, especially when they pertained to milestones and behaviors from my adolescents. These are years I struggle to recall for reasons I have not figured out yet. Once the assessment was complete, I was told I would get a call in about 3-4 weeks to schedule my next appointment with a doctor. Now we wait.